Friday, March 20, 2009

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner

.
NEW www.FrontPorchColumbus Dot Com
positivity running peremptorily
-------------------------
--------------------------------
It was all going so well until Trooper Zank stepped back grabbing his gun and then things got a little dicey.

Two hours before that happened DJ and I were entering the Capri Steak House for the 2nd Annual Columbus Business Appreciation Awards Luncheon (CBAAL) and meeting people we knew but could not remember their names (there are so so many).

We sat at a random table which would turn out to be the Winners table and made chit chat and were having a good time. There was that guy over there that we recognized but did not know from where (they own the Apple Tree restaurant , and before that Lum's in Monona and before that a restaurant in Alaska).

Salad was served which was very fresh and yummy. But not to waste anymore time awards were being given out. They talked about The Blog and mentioned the new website and I got up and people clapped and I was going to thank them all for not suing me in the last year but I decided to let sleeping dogs lay.

Pictures were taken and our table actually had three award recipients. Kim, (you all know Kim from the comments section) for her work on West James Gallery and Robin(??) from the Secret Garden Floral YOUR LOCAL COLUMBUS, WI FLORIST who's website has a link to a list a funeral homes on their useful site section. Not that that is a bad thing, just something I had never considered having a list of funeral homes on my blog. I'm doing a market study on this.

Lunch was served, family style chicken dinner and I tell ya - it was GREAT!! The Capri did a wonderful job. Well done Doc.

Then the CEO of Trek, Ride Longer You've Earned the Extra Daylight (man! talk about taking credit for something) gave a little talk that was very interesting about how fat America is getting and the need to ride bikes more often which after going on five 500 mile bike adventures I agree with. Although after one of those rides I never want my butt touching another saddle.

After the talk there is a raffle and the guy that works at Frank Porth Chevrolet-Buick! Good People to Turn To wins the bike. Go figure. Yet another winner at our table.

After it was over I talked to Pete Kaland (mayoral candidate It will be a better land with Pete Kaland) about history and so forth, the guy is a history geek/library dude and that cannot be a bad thing at all.

So anyway, DJ (who's Easter bunny name is Cuddles Fluffy Paws) and I leave the Capri and DJ has been working on a project since . . . . a long time . . and finally is mailing the packages out. We stop at the post office and she finishes mailing and jumps in the car.

I pull out and she is saying "FINALLY THAT'S OVER" (meaning her project not the ceremony) and I pull out. We are on the way home and turn onto Avalon and I look in my mirror and there is this State Trooper gaining ground at like 100 miles per hour. ME??? YOU WANT ME??

I pull over and this big grumpy looking man-bear walks up and says. "SIR - do you realize you do not have a front license plate?" I say "yea the threads are stripped it's in the back" and then "MAM! Is there a reason you are were NOT wearing your seat belt?"

Now DJ and I wear our seat belts 100% of the time . . . . I thought,  but I guess this time there was a momentary lapse (99.9%).

"MAM, I'm going to have to give you a ticket and SIR, I'm going to have to give YOU a ticket for allowing a passenger to not wear a seat belt".

Well la dee freaking daa!!

I seriously almost broke out laughing but didn't. He looked mean. So then he asks for my drivers license which had my OLD address and he didn't like that a whole lot and then the weirdness started.

"CAN I ASSUME YOU TWO ARE A COUPLE?"

DJ says "That's a very serious thing to say to a girl you just met" or is thinking that and . . .

Wait a minute? was he hitting on DJ (the uniform thing always makes me nervous)? So I nip that one in the butt and say "yes - we are married!" but I feel weird saying it for some reason. There were a few dozens things I WANTED to say. Was he baiting me? WTF!

So he takes all of our papers and goes back to his car and were sitting there laughing (seriously we were). I wanted to say DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? But figured my award would not carry that much weight.

I'm assuming that over the radio the dispatcher is saying

"Rod Melotte has given us a second chance to catch Rod Melotte."

Ten minutes later he comes back to the car and issues the tickets and warnings and hands me some pink papers and starts explaining what they say. Of course I want to be a good citizen even though my last experience with an officer of the law had me getting thrown off an elevator in Madison (remind me sometime to tell THAT story . . . . not real good with authority I guess).

SO - where was I. He is explaining what the tiny letters on the pretty pink paper say and since I can't see the words I go for my glasses in the pocket of my coat.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING SIR!" and Trooper Zang is stepping back and grabbing for his gun!  Holy Shit cowboy relax (I didn't say that but thought it very loudly!!). "I'm getting my glasses" (moron) and I continue looking in pockets not letting his gun hand bother me . . . much.

I'm hoping DJ is taking all sorts of photos with her cell phone as planned but then I see she is about to Bonnie and Clyde it out the door if things get dicey if I don't find my glasses soon.

As luck would have it they are in pocket number three and as I put them on I can't really focus on anything anyway.

He explains that we have a warning for the front license and another warning for the incorrect address on my drivers license and TWO $10 tickets for the seat belt violations (even though I was wearing MINE).

He says we can go to Portage to dispute the tickets and I say

"WHY - there is absolutely nothin I want to do in Portage."

OK OK - I only thought that but I missed the rest of what he was saying as the entire Public Enemies trailer which I have memorized is now going through my head.

Right around the time Johnny says "wanna take that ride with me" and Marion Cotillard says "Yea I wanna take that ride with you" Trooper Zang growls goodbye and I take off not wearing my seat belt - I GUESS he filled his quota as he didn't pull me over AGAIN.

Of course all this has made us late for the Dog Guard fence guy but he is good with it and we're going to buy his fence which is MUCH better then Invisible Fence and all of there hidden fee's.

And finally to add one last thing to make my day. I get a letter from my credit union saying I am 0.37 cents Past Due on a loan. At least there is not a $25 late fee.

Thinking back I should have told Trooper Zang that my Mafia name was Bugsy The Brains Napolitano.  That would have gotten a reaction.

sigh.
-------------------------------------


I'd like to thank the CDA for recognizing The Blog and I really do appreciate it. The last thing I ever ever thought would happen was that this would really take off THIS much. 360,000 hits in one year was about 359,000 more then I thought.

It's a two way street you know. The people and town of Columbus has awakened something and like a giant hairball I just gotta get the words out of my system.

Have a great weekend.

Rod


27 comments:

  1. Rod, I hope this is a good lesson for you....always always wear your seat belt or you could get sent to Portage.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Rod--you have me rolling on the floor laughing. I LOVE your use of lines from the movie! Now we want to hear the elevator story.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hey. Your new posting distracted me. I came over here to say that I passed the LPN test. I'm a nurse! (No, I'm not done--RN test after December.)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Weird. A few years back, I was pulled over in Fall River for going 5mph over the limit, just before the speed limit increase signage. Given a warning on that--although the very curt officer wrote out a seat belt violation. And I ALWAYS wear my seat belt. Always, always, always-- breaking a windshield with my head as a child and having a serious injury sort of makes me vehement on that point. I was too intimidated by the guy to press my point.

    'Cause who's going to take the time to contest a $10 ticket, right?

    Only moving violation I've ever received. Still makes me mad.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Deserving of a separate post: huge congratulations, Rod. They picked the right person to give that award to this year. Proud to know you, buddy.

    ReplyDelete
  6. LOL. hate to say I told you so and I know you already said to shut up, but....

    I TOLD YOU SO!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Rod,

    Congratulations on your much deserved award. Keep up the good work! You make C'bus a better place.

    Thanks!

    ReplyDelete
  8. OMG!!!! That blog post was way funny!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Well Lefty, looks like the coppers pinched you again! LOL You know it is scum like you that give Columbus a bad name. The best thing about living in MN is the State Patrol is not only excellent, but they are allowed to keep their sense of humor. Not a cut on the State Troopers it is a hard job, and they are correct to assume the worst, it is a sad state our society is in when they have to be so cautious.

    Congratulations on the award it is well deserved.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Is it Kurth night?

    I can never remember...

    ReplyDelete
  11. I believe it could be Kurth night - 3rd Friday isn't it?

    ReplyDelete
  12. Rod- too funny/sad/mad about that ticketing incident! Go figure- after all the nice awards...that happens! I just think that officer was having a bad day and took it out on you- after all, the lack of a front plate is very serious! And, thanks to you, I will never, ever, not wear my seat belt- besides, I feel like I will fall out of the car if I don't have it on!
    Congrats on your award!!!! You REALLY deserve it. Such positive and funny vibes you add to our community! We need it!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Now that was funny! Great job!! Yesterday my boyfriend was teasing me because I was quoting Marion's line from the trailer. He was like "how many times have you watched that?" I told him it was less than some of my facebook friends, and now I know for a fact that it's true!!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Oh-I forgot to say congrats on the award!!! And congrats to Dawn, as well!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Funny stuff today, Rod.

    See you tonight at the Kurth.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Rod,

    Contrats on the award! Well deserved, your blog is Hilarious :)

    ReplyDelete
  17. Great Blog!!!

    Congratulations on your Award!
    Do not know a better person to have won.!!!

    Bravo!!
    Bravo!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Great Blog!

    OMG!!!!

    You had me rolling on the floor!!!

    The things you get into!!!
    and now DJ.... (poor girl!) LOL!


    The Trooper had to be the funniest!
    hope he finds out who you really are.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Rod So glad I decided to read your blog today, in fact I just keep rereading it...the quotes from the PE trailer are great. I see there are a few of us that have memorized the trailer. Soon we will be quoting the entire movie.
    Congratulations on your award.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Congrats Rod! Very funny story too!

    And congrats MSW on passing your test!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Snortin' coffee here!

    I was all good till I got to...

    "WHY - there is absolutely nothin I want to do in Portage."

    then of course I lsot it, I shoulda known there had to be a PE refrence!!

    OH! since when is no front plate illegal??? I've never used one...

    ReplyDelete
  22. CONGRATS Dawn!!!!! (and Rod too...)

    ReplyDelete
  23. Wahhhhh! I missed a Kurth night ;(

    ReplyDelete
  24. Rod, Callie from Rhode Island here, Congratulations on your award!! I so enjoy reading your blog. It gives me a great read on the Midwest.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Yea - Callie - we're all a little loco aren't we!! LOL

    ReplyDelete
  26. Winner Winner Chicken Dinner.........


    ___________________
    Julie
    "BEST PRICE for the BEST ENTERTAINMENT"

    ReplyDelete

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.