Elweed

I was picking up my buddy from Kindergarten Elweed yesterday. DJ told me not to let him know that the word "flooding" was in the weather forecast.

You see last year it seemed whenever we had a apocalyptic weather event Elweed was visiting and would have to stay overnight. Blizzard, flooding and now "flooding" was again in the weather forecast.

It all started a few days before Christmas 2007 when I started to take him home in a blizzard and I turned back. Little did I know the somewhat humorous (for me . . . sort of) events that would happen in the next few days.

Saturday

We purchased some 6-packs of random microbrews, seven kinds of beer actually and we thought we would do a microbrew beer tasting, play a bunch of poker and hang out. And that's what we did. He was In The Money in poker 6 out of 6 times Saturday night and I was crushing No Limit on the computer next to him and all was well.

Sunday

Sunday comes and the storm that was suppose to hit Saturday was all rain. But NOW it had turned cold with 50mph winds with true white out conditions. The temp had dropped to 10 (compared to 40 the day before). After watching the Packer game we took off towards Madison. Five miles later I am turning around and aborting the mission. After seeing 5 cars in the ditch and with whiteout and only being able to steer straight ahead I said "fuck this".

SO - Elweed is STILL here. We drank more beer, played more poker and relaxed. Elweed was 5 of 7 In The Money and I continued to crush NL10.

I went to bed and he stayed up a little longer and drank a few more Guinness and he would go to the garage to smoke cigs and . . .whatever.

Monday

Monday he wakes up and complains about not being able to breath very well. DJ and I sluff it off as an Elweed thing but he continues to complain and bends over in pain a few times.

After about 3 hours of this we decide to go to Urgent Care in Columbus.

Now remember - Elweed has SAD (Social Anxiety Disorder) and is not to fond of NEW things at all so this was not a pleasure trip. He has not seen a Doctor for over 30 years.

He gets in right away and they do their X-rays and as DJ predicted after searching the Internet, a collapsed lung. Now there is no reason for this, no trama, no accident but I have my theory. I THINK he took a BIG hit of pot late at night, coughed, and blew a hole in his lung! Too funny!

ANYWAY - he is lying there, thirsty and having to pee. No one will give him liquid but he really has to pee. A nurse comes in and announces that they have now transferred him from the emergency room to the hospital (hmmmm, THAT'S not good). They are going to wheel him into the operating room and he says I HAVE TO PEE! There are three female nurses in the room running about, the door is open, people walking by and one is holding up a catheter saying "Here you go". " WHAT? can't I just go into the men's room?" "no no just go in here, no big deal". At this point I left to let him deal with his little hell. I'm not sure if he ever went.

Two hours later he is in his room and we're talking, a nurse comes in to ask The List of Mindless Questions, "have you ever had bubonic plague? and have you ever had that and after the fourth "have you" question he says - "I have never had anything, I have not been to a doctor in 30 years I have never been diagnosed with anything!!" There is a pause and the nurse with a blank look on her face says "Have you ever had Typhoid?" "NO" he yells!

I can tell 4 hours without a cig is having an effect on his mental well being.

Then there are other questions "Do you drink beer?. WHAT DO YOU MEAN DO I DRINK BEER! AM I DRINKING BEER NOW? HAVE I EVER DRANK BEER?

Have you ever taken drugs?

pfffft! I can tell this is going to be fun.

"Marijuana"! long silence . . . . . "having problems spelling it"?. we all laugh and she says no she can't . "P . . O . . T" . and we all laugh!

"Do you have any emotional problems?" "How do you mean?" "Like depression" "I have had depression problems in the past" "And how do you feel now?" "Well, I'm laying here with tubes in me, I have not had a cigarette in 6 hours and I'm hungry how do YOU think I feel". "I mean concerning depression". "OH, no I'm fine thank you".

Do you have any financial concerns?

I HAVE A DOLLAR FIFTY TO MY NAME, NO INSURANCE AND I CAN'T WORK FOR WHO KNOWS HOW LONG! WHAT DO YOU THINK!

So after a few more questions she leaves.

Elweed says "I'm not sure she liked me".

OK - question time is over and he is wondering about food. Elweed has a metabolism like a . . . well . . .he can eat a family pack of Swanson Frozen Chicken with ease. If he goes to McDonald's he will order four quarter pounders with fries and eat them like cookies. They bring him supper and he looks at it and says. Well, this is fine for a snack. Can I get more? So they bring him TWO meals.

The next day (Christmas) he calls and ask if I can bring up some food. I ask about their food and he says they woke him up every 20 minutes and when he did get to sleep he woke up at noon to this HUGE LUNCH.

"I'm pumped full of morphine, feel like vomiting and I wake up to a two double size plates of garbage under my nose."

Try finding a fast food place on Christmas in Columbus.

So - that is how MY four days around Christmas was. THIS year was our first Columbus Christmas without Elweed - THANK GOD!

Post Script - this event changed Elweeds life for the better. He found that he was in perfect health except for the hole in his lung. He worked out a deal with the Hospital and I THINK is paying his bills. With a new lease on life he is paying his income taxes. His employer who wanted to fire him because he was not at work actually gave him MORE hours (up to 20 now). And people noticed that the cleaners taking his place were ot half as good as he was.

So it worked out well.
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Have a Sunday
Rod