N1H1Swine Flu

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www.FrontPorchColumbus Dot Com

Part Six in

Behind the Scenes of Public Enemies Coming to Columbus
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Man - did I REALLY stink it up in golf last night. Had to be the worst night in years. It was like I had never carried a club before. I was uncomfortable with what I was wearing (too tight) and I just never really did anything good. Sort of sulked when I got home. I don't mind hitting the ball to the wrong spots on the course but when HITTING the ball becomes a problem . . . . grrrrrrr.
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I was asked how many people are reading the blog lately as the amount of Comments have dropped dramatically.

There are so many ways to look at the stats. The easiest is just how many pages are read each day that I blog and this number is a steady 480ish. Of the 480 pages about 370 people are reading those pages and of the 370 about 250 return every day. (according to cookies). Each WEEK I have about 2900 pages read from the blog.
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Remember a month ago when N1H1Swine Flu was in the news (notice how I combined N1H1Swine Flu? I picked that up from TV. They tell people NOT to call it the Swine Flu so now they say "N1H1, the Swine Flu" which to me just lengthens the entire name and I think the talking heads (not THE Talking Heads - see right) just like to say SWINE on TV like they like saying BITCH (see left) in dog shows).

ANYWAY - a month ago we received two emails from my boss telling me not to worry or panic about N1H1Swine Flu and everything was all right, and then I got an email from HIS boss telling me to not worry and then HIS boss sent an email and then the top boss said everything was under control.

The next day we had a big meeting saying it was all good and not to panic but they had ordered 25 more laptops for people to work at home and to prepare ourselves for working 12 hour shifts if the entire building was at home vomiting but not to worry.

A couple days later we were told to relax but do not go to the 3B floor as it was the command center for N1H1Swine Flu and it was very active down there and people might get in the way or get hurt with all the activity. I, of course, figured everyone was running around with their hands in the air yelling and bumping into each other.

Then they needed our fax machine for important stuff but everything was going to be OK and they took our FAX.

So that was a month ago.

A couple days ago I deliver some VIP reports that no one actually reads to the other side of the room and hand it to the person in charge of sending the never read very important reports and as I handed the doc's to the woman she said something and I was like all wow that was a very sexy voice or maybe I said you sound like death or some combination of you sound like a sexy dead person or something and she was all I've been gone for three weeks with the swine flu and I corrected her saying it was actually the N1H1Swine flu and I instinctively started touching my fingers to my eyes because the flu is the best way to lose weight.

So here I am face to face with the news and I'm like trying to relax and not panic knowing that everything will be all right.

Why was our room not advised that N1H1Swine Flu was actually IN OUR ROOM?? Do the people running around with their hands in the air down stairs in 3B know this? Should I send then a fax? No, I can't they took it. DAMN THEM.

So if you don't see me for three weeks but when you do I'm looking trim you know what happened.
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Anybody know anything about the big accident on the 151/73 bridge last night about 9:00? Looked like a tractor fell off a trailer and a car hit it. Lots of damage and injuries and flashing lights!

Do not take your health for granted. Random stuff happens.
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A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase one and enter it in the races. However at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third! The next day the local paper carried this headline:

"PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS!"

The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won. The paper read:

"PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT"

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The paper headline read:

"BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS"

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey. The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The paper headline the next day read:

"NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN"

The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.00. Next day the headline read:

"NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.00"

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey, lead it to the plains where it could run wild and free. Next day, the headline in the paper read:

"NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE"

The Bishop was buried the next day.