High Anxiety

I was looking at the garden yesterday after mowing the lawn and and was amazed at the variety of bugs.  It was like the Mall of America for bugs.  Truly - I was considering getting a chair and sitting in the middle and taking photos (I still might).  So many flying bugs I had never seen before including the little humming bird moth I shot last year.  But then as I was among them I JUMP back when I saw this one.

HOLY CRAP he was HUGE!!   AND SCARY.  I find out SHE is a Black and Yellow Argiope.  They do not eat humans but bad bugs in the garden. (also called a corn spider or a writing spider). An interesting thing is that there web is almost invisible yet she makes herself very visible to keep large animals from blundering into it.

But this was no the only reason for High Anxiety.  This came from work last night.
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As you know I work at Cannery Wine and Spirits in Sun Prairie once a week, more as a hobby actually - it's an awesome place. 

Anyway it has a certain kind clientele for the most part as we have expensive beer, good wine, home brew equipment, cheese and steaks high end liqueur and just lots of good good stuff.  If you are looking for Bud, Miller, Coors you only go there because it's handy, certainly not the cheapest. You get my point?

So the night starts off with a young guy looking around the store talking about the prices of the tiny airline size $1.49 bottles of vodka or UV or Rum.  After 15 minutes of mindless banter he says good-bye and Pat (one of the owners) and I agree that that guy would need to be carded since "His girlfriend outside was REALLY not of age for drinking".

As the night goes on I start getting more and more . . . . worker type people buying cases of Bud, Miller, cigarettes, 3 older guys come in and buy a case of WARM Spotted Cow.  Not the normal people I'm used to seeing.  In fact I sold more Bud in one night then I have sold in like forever (we don't sell a lot of Bud). And there are a lot of other people looking at the store like it's the first time they have ever been in.  I tell one woman that I will be giving a tour in 15 minutes if she would like to sign-up as there was still a spot open. (she declined ).
  
Then the young dude comes in AGAIN and buys a little bottle of Vodka - I card him and yup, he's 22.  OK, then more Bud walks out the door.   I talk to a woman who is buying Marlburo's and somehow we get on the topic of closing times and she says in FLA stores close at 12:00.  I find out she is with the Carnival - AHH HAAA!!!  The carnies are in town.  Not Mr. Eds Magical Midway who are mostly younger but these guys seem more older.

ANYWAY - It was about 15 minutes to closing and I had a known customer looking at wine when two . . . . . how should I say this . . . . individuals of color (black dudes) come to the door.  One stands just outside the door while the other comes in dressed in a dirty big tee-shirt, pants down around his knees, one eye pointing the wrong way, right hand grabbing his crotch (maybe it's that "size" thing) looking around at the high end stuff.   hmmmmmm.

Well - this is not ordinary and I'm not appreciating the one guy hanging outside the door one bit.

After 5 minutes the other guy comes in and they are speaking Ebonics I think but I can not actually understand anything.  The tall dudes phone rings and he answers "Bitch, what da fuck you want".

OK then, I know that is how I answer the phone when DJ calls but I don't sound so angry. After an unintelligible conversation they continue looking at stuff and short dude comes up and says "Where you Kanye be" 

What? my what?  "Kanye"

ummmmmm and I start walking towards the liqueur praying something comes to me.  Let me remind you that I have had a gun pointed at me in a liqueur store so it's not like I'm all innocent or nothing, I've been had once, I'm no virgin to the whole gun to the head thing .  When a drunk guy came in a few months ago and slammed his hand on the counter and said "GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY" and pointed his finger at me.  . . . . I did not find it as funny as he did.

ANYWAY - I'm walking walking with Kanye Kanye Kanye in my head  - WAIT  COGNAC!!  OK - whew - I point out the cognac and he says "Dat all ye got?"   I say were not big cognac drinkers up here (I don't even really know what it is, I think it's like Brandy).

They seem disappointed which actually relieves  me a little.  They seem to know different cognac.  So they are looking around sort of splitting up and talking gibberish to me and are looking at the top shelf vodka.  Tall dude says something on the order of "You could make a million with dis hear store down south" and I give a nervous laugh and he says "YOU LAUGH shi" and the short dude turns and says "you laugh" and I stop laughing.

They pick up a beautiful bottle of vodka ($35 range) and put it on the counter and starting talking about the Black and White cigars behind me but I'm not sure if that want some or are just talking.

MEANWHILE the known customer is taking a very very long time looking at wine but has one in hand and is now looking at the secondary beer cooler . . . . just hanging out . . .thank you.

Well, it's not 5 minutes to 9 and I must tell my new "friends"  "5 minutes to closing . . just sayin"   "Shi man? where we from stores open 24/7 shi"   "YOU got REMY"?

remy remy remy - I have heard of Remy . . .Remy Martin, a brandy I think.  Nope - no Remy.  "You got no Remy? Shi."

So they come up with cash and are paying for the vodka talking about the lack of Remy.  "Mah, you gotta get remy, remy and cranberry , you get remy and cranberry and you fuck yo bitch all night long".

I was confused, should "I"  drink the remy to fuck my bitch all night long or should I administer the remy and cranberry to my bitch so I could fuck her all night long but I felt I should ask this question at another time. Perhaps Pat will know or I'll ask Kathy.  Being the owners of the store they should know.    
I did not want to sound too white after all.

They left about 9:02 laughing about something the bitch said and I walked to the front of the store and locked the doors!

In retrospect I should have started talking deadwood-speak to them, they would have appreciated it.


Have a great day!
Rod